"All those days are gone, so she falls asleep every night just before dawn..."

I recall resting next to you on your floor and singing Jump, Little Children's All Those Days Are Gone quietly while we stared at that strange bat-like shape that the shadows from your light made on the ceiling. It was always a good day when I was able to count something like that among the things I did. And we did that a lot.

So much for reserving this space for semi-professional stuff. I didn't even think of writting something like this until the other night when I was reminded of you. It doesn't happen nearly as often as it once did but it does still happen on occasion. It used to come in waves - this week on, that week off - and before August (yes, that long) every one of those moments would be painful. I had no one to talk to about you out here and you'd be suprised how much difference three hours makes when I wanted to find someone to talk to back east. I'm sure I wanted (and needed) to ignore you for a time but by the time I realized that I needed to talk about you, I felt pretty stupid for letting you get to me for so long. Eventually I did talk to Tom about it. It wasn't even that long or that heartfelt, just a couple minutes of me saying everything I'd been thinking and Tom giving his advice. It was all I needed.

I don't follow your life anymore. I knew that as soon as I left you'd probably write something that would just make that week hurt more. Weeks turned to months and now we've reached more than a year; I still haven't looked at any of the places where I know I can find you online. I suppose I'm still a little afraid that I'll see something that will hurt me. Or something that will make me wish I hadn't left. I can't imagine you follow what I write by now either. I wrote this for you anyway.

I've been missing the little things recently. Not necessarily stuff directly relating to you, but you were the last person that I was able to pay attention to on that detailed level that makes special every quirk. It's a little lonely without the details. Perhaps the right thing to do is to call you and wish you well. I was always too disappointed or angry to do that before.