BAN MILK
November 15, 2004
How do you people do it?
I picked up milk the other day so that I could make scrambled eggs or egg+cheese bagels (y'know, 'cause you whisk the eggs with a smidgen of milk) and this stuff is VILE. I mean, it's not sour - I wouldn't have been able to stand smelling it if it was sour. I poured myself a glass because I wanted something cold to drink and I knew that I wasn't going to use all of it just making eggs. My first sip was okay. Even the second one was half-decent. However, upon further sippage I was unable to stomach the increasingly nasty lact-death that sloshed before me in my cup.
As a child I used to have milk all the time. I do believe that I drank milk every day for breakfast and dinner. Of course this was before I was *allowed* to have anything else to drink with dinner but I didn't complain, I loved my milk. For the benefit of the cliche, I would even go so far as to say that milk kept me off the streets and in school. Perhaps that's why I'm no longer in school.
I have a point, though. I want to ban the direct consumption of milk. That's right. All milk should be banned simply because I don't like it. I'm fond of ice cream so we'll keep that. Cheese can stay too. Just provolone. HOWEVER, small children will no longer be able to suckle from their mother's breast because I do NOT like milk. What do we have that huge isle of baby formula in the supermarket for if not to FEED TINY CHILDREN? I figure that if I can get a measly 50% of the people in this country to support my hate for milk (an easy task considering milk CLEARLY encourages homosexuality) then I can intimidate another 1% and come away with a majority!
Come, people! Join me in my quest to ban milk!
Comments
Milk isn't that bad. You got a hold of some nasto-milk.
What did you eat before it? Had you recently brushed your teeth?
Was it 2%? Full? Skim? Soy? Some milk is plain awful... You can't just say "MILK" is bad. Specification, my friend. Specification, not over-generalization.
Posted by: jennifer c. | November 16, 2004 2:31 PM
My roommate and I can drink a gallon of milk in about 2-3days. Do I fear becoming lactose intolerant? Absolutely. Do I still happily drink milk? Absolutely.
Maybe you should imagine you're eating a bowl of ice cream when you're drinking a glass of milk. As you said, they're almost the same thing. It could work.
Posted by: Holly | November 16, 2004 4:26 PM
Oh, you poor thing, I'm so sorry for your angst.
*draws milk mustache on your picture*
Posted by: Hopeless Romantique | November 16, 2004 6:27 PM
The only good milk IMO are full fat milk, half and half, or my favorite, condensed milk! :-) Anything else are for wimps!
Posted by: Alex | November 16, 2004 9:02 PM
Full fat milk! You've got to be kidding me! That's like drinking a milk shake, without all the good parts!
Wow. I always envisioned drinking butter, or lard, when I thought of full fat milk. Now I'm going to have to try it, just to see how it tastes.
Posted by: jennifer c. | November 17, 2004 12:00 PM
...I was talking 2% but I don't think I could even look at full fat milk without feeling extra-queasy.
Posted by: authgeek | November 17, 2004 3:39 PM
I will agree that 2 % is awful. I love me my regular milk...though I am intolerant of lactose. Can we just ban that??
Posted by: beetlebum | November 17, 2004 6:27 PM
I used to drink gallons of the stuff as a child too, straight from the bottle, cold as ice, mmmmmm. But as an adult - bleugh. I can tolerate skim for tea but nothing else. Yet I do love a nice milky old fashioned rice pudding...
Posted by: Daisy | November 18, 2004 10:51 AM
The absolute best is drinking milk so fresh that it's still warm from being in the cow. It's truly a joyous experience. But since you're going to gag and make fun of me for drinking from a Polish cow, I'll just tell you that you should at least adhere to my other passion, OJ with calcium...best stuff ever, and I'm not going to let you get away with not getting your RDA of calcium, Nick!
Posted by: am00se | November 21, 2004 11:33 AM
I've recently switched completely to Soy Milk. It tastes great and doesn't upset my stomach; give it a whirl if you are feeling adventurous.
Sadly, "adventurous" for me is trying a new mild substitute.
Posted by: darwin | November 23, 2004 12:10 PM