New place, new people. I'm anxious as usual.
I'm trying not to think too hard about if this was the "right" decision to move at all or specifically here. I can't even fathom the train ride I took yesterday and why I tried so desperately to escape it over the past couple months. It's noisy outside and I'm in a huge city and I have no idea just how safe I am. All this stuff will fade in time but a big part of me is resisting change to the best of its ability. I'm excited to get up for work tomorrow and be back in a place that I feel secure. I'm usually at least interested in going to work, if not excited. The lack of an hour on the train just makes it better.

I don't know how I came to be so fearful of new places. I recall having to be picked up late one night from a sleepover at the Pringle's old house when I was still in grade school because I didn't feel secure so this isn't exactly new. Of course, I wanted to spend the greater part of any given week at the Pringle's while in high school. While I'm sure that simply getting used to a place has something to do with it, I don't think that's all of it. Friends in grade school were people that you went to school with and anywhere with your family was the place where you were sure you could be secure. When friends become more important than family (in your teenaged mind, at least) then you start to place more trust in the friends around you and, finding that trust reciprocated, you can start to find security in the company of friends.

I suppose that thought spawned from the fact that I'm fairly sure I'd feel perfectly safe in this situation (and almost any other) if I was in the company of a good friend. By no means do I think that the people I'm now living with won't be my friends - in fact I think that they will be - but my trust isn't given away quickly or easily.

Finally, I've found that the best defence against this kind of thing is dealing with it. Facing the issue and finding ways around it works when the issue is tangible but not so well when you're unable to understand why you feel the way you do. Thinking on a greater scale makes big problems smaller and makes any problem short of massive destruction easier to deal with.

I feel better already.