I've been stuck trying to write an emotional post for a while now. First it was simply being between leaving college and finding a job that makes me care about working. Then I saw Garden State and that tied in on the same level and I wanted to work with that. Of course, I couldn't quite get the transition from review to how I identified with the movie. Finially, I've been trying to figure out how to describe my love and what I require from it.

Getting a real job is a pain in the ass. I'll admit that I haven't been applying for every job I see since I left school but it's because I feel like I'm not moving anywhere in a basic job that I'm not learning anything from. So I aim high and I'm starting to take some real flak from a lot of people for not holding a job for some time. I'm working on one at the moment that looks really promising and could be exactly what I'm looking for. I'm waiting for my chance to do what I love and show other people that I'm good at it. Getting a job like this is, in my eyes, the first step in a long process to being successful, I suppose. I remember a long argument during an english class (probably during Death of a Salesman) about how success is a variable term - it means different things to every person that aims for it. For me, it means freedom and being able to work hard at what I want during the day so I can have time to do the other things in life that I love when I'm not 'working.' I'm sure I'm just skimming the surface there, but it related to what I saw in part of Garden State. The other side of Garden State related to what I require from love, namely, the ability to give for someone. I mean the way real love dwarfs what seem like the most important things on a different occasion. The ability to take inconvenience and any other obstacle that stands in your way to show someone how much you care. I don't know if you could call me a sucker for that kind of thing but it makes the biggest impression in my book and I make it my favorite subtle way to show my love. Lately I've been thinking a lot about what love is to me. I know that no can be absolutely perfect but I ponder how many times I've been really hurt in relation to how deeply I care and how simply complete I feel. I want to be able to love without feeling like another hurt is looming over my head every few weeks. I guess I just have to figure out what kind of balance is comfortable for me and keep trying until I find it.

Right. I'm tired.